Should I stay or should I go?
This is a question that runs through my mind fairly often when I’m on the road. There is such a subtle (and personal) balance in choosing just the right amount of time to stay to really get to know a place and leaving soon enough to have enough time to explore the other places on your list. I’m still searching for that balance.
At this moment, just over two months into my travels, I am surprised by how many places I have already visited and how much I have already experienced. And I realise that I still travel fast. For me, a month in one place still seems like a long time and I am not quite ready yet to commit to one place for six months or a year. I still need constant change and movement. So at the moment, I choose to leave more often than I choose to stay.
I have been in the mountains, volunteering at an alternative school for just over a month, and now it’s time to leave. The saddest part about leaving so soon is the fact that I’ve started to form strong bonds and deep connections with the people here, I’m starting to feel like a real part of the community with my own place and my own routine in it. Then it’s somewhat sad to hear about the long term plans for the next year, knowing that I won’t be part of them and feeling like I’m missing out.
I guess it’s a sense of belonging and stability that is lost when you leave so soon and part of me is looking forward to the day when my time somewhere will not have a definite expiry date. But at the same time, I am so used to being places only temporarily, I’m so used to “before you leave…” and “now that you’re leaving…”s. And that’s ok.
For now I need to keep on moving, I need to keep on looking for ‘it’ – be it a job, a person or an environment that really makes me want to stay and dig my roots into the ground. Until then, I’ll be leaving my little footprints, spiderweb ties and a piece of my loving heart in every place I pass through. And above all, I will always trust my inner voice when it comes to deciding whether to stay or to go.